Halloween Horrorfest 3 : Night of the Living Oak
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: Not even an old-fashioned vampire like Gary can get common sense through Ash's head. Oneshot. Rated T for language.


Pokemon Halloween Horrorfest 3 : Night of the Living Oak

_Note : Axletia Rosonetis has made fun of Twilight, Twilight fangirls, and Tracey. Read at your own risk....and not mine. XD And btw, I'm sorry for giving Pikachu only one line, but he wasn't just needed. Maybe next year....._

_Special thanks to Kaida Kaguya for the use of her dog. Thankies, Kaida-chan. ^__^_

* * *

Axletia : 'Ello-'ello once again. This is Axletia Rosonetis with another yearly horrorfest, though this one's probably more humor than horror. Heh. Anyway, I've got another special guest this year, but this time she's a dog - whadda ya know ? Introducing the lovely, the growling Kaida Jr. !

Kaida Jr. : *growls*

Axletia : ^^ And 'ello-'ello to you too, Kaida Jr. How's your owner ?

Kaida Jr. : *growls*

Axletia : o.o Okay, then....obviously Kaida didn't feed her today. Anyway....while Kaida Jr. continues to growl, lemme introduce this year's movie thingie. It's called Night of the Living Oak, and it deals with vampires, idiocy, and the best part, a ticked-off Giovanni, yay ! So, sit back, eat some popcorn and Doritos, and enjo-

_**BITE !**_

Axletia : . . . . . . -.- That's it. Time for the doggy punisher.....

* * *

For as many years as he could've remembered, Ash Ketchum's favorite holiday was Halloween. Every year he would dress up as something cool and awesome (at least in his opinion) and collect candy from generous people with his special jack-o'-lantern pails. It was the only time of the year that Delia allowed him to eat the sugary treats, which Ash took advantage of with sheer delight. He would be sugar-high until Thanksgiving, but he didn't care. October 31st was pure bliss for him, and everyone knew it.

Everyone else seemed to contribute to his happiness meter on Halloween. Some years Delia took him trick-or-treating, and he would receive preseason gingerbread cookies that were shaped into little men. On other years Professor Oak would take him, and he would get a lot of minty Lifesavers and Mentos by the end of the night, courtesy of the Professor's poker buddies. Sometimes even Gary's dad would take him and Gary out for a candy hunt. Usually they would t.p. something along their route when Gary's dad took him. Once, Ash was even locked up in the Viridian City jail for an entire day. Every Halloween held surprises for Ash Ketchum.

This would be a different year for the fourteen-year-old boy, however. For the first time in five years, he was back home from training on a Halloween for once, and Delia wasn't going to take him trick-or-treating, nor Professor Oak. Not even Gary's dad was going to take him. Instead, he, Gary, and Tracey would be going with someone who Ash had lost all respect for entirely. The man was brilliant, and yet he was dense. He was middle-aged, and yet acted like a child at times. Ash would have to work with this man....his frienemy....

His father.

On the night of Halloween, Ash was under a white bedsheet playing the part of a ghost, Gary was dressed as an old-fashioned vampire, and Tracey was wrapped up in rolls of toilet paper dressed as a politician. Giovanni stood several feet from the three boys with a grimace planted on his face. He glared at Ash with narrowed eyes as he crossed his arms. " Aren't you guys too old to be trick-or-treating ? " the man asked, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance.

" Aren't _you_ too old to be running around in a cape when you've had a bad day at your little evil organization ? " Ash retorted, returning the glare.

" . . . . . "

Gary snickered under his breath, and a smile tugged on Tracey's lips. Ash, being the loudmouthed boy he was, started to crack up at his father's furious expression. There was a long silence among the group before Giovanni furrowed his eyebrows again and finally spoke. " I do believe I wanted to keep that a secret, " he growled, " but I guess that idea's shot now. So, where do you plan on dragging me tonight ? "

Ash shrugged. He never had a certain route to go by each year. Usually he would just run around in circles until he had collected an abundance of candy. " Dunno, " he replied, shrugging again. " _You're_ supposed to be the adult, Dad. You should at least _try_ to be a little more assertive. No one likes a pushover. "

" Pika ! "

" Right, or a stupid douchebag with no good thoughts in his head. You're absolutely right, Pikachu. "

_**" SHUDDUP ! "**_ Giovanni snapped. " I don't know why I actually agreed to take you all out while I had an important evil meeting planned, but now we're gonna do it my way ! "

" Yeah, Mr. K, show those losers how assertive you are ! " Gary cheered.

" Yeah, go team ! " Tracey added.

Gary grimaced and took an utility knife out from under his cape. He thrusted the knife into Tracey's chest and stabbed him, prompting the mummified boy to fall over and die instantly. " Shut up, Tracey, " he murmured as he pressed his fake fangs into his lower lip.

Ash sweatdropped. " Oh, my God, you killed Tracey ! You bastard ! "

" ...And _who_ cares ? "

" ....Good point, Oaky. "

Giovanni grunted as he grabbed Tracey by the ankles and dragged the cadaver into the bush. A small amount of blood trickled from the corpse as the man turned to Ash and Gary. " All righty, then. We can't let Mr. Sketchit's untimely death stop us from getting you two some candy, because he was actually on a hit list by Biff and Cassidy for this Christmas, " he stated in a rather cheerful tone. He started to walk in no particular direction. " Lessgo ! "

The two boys hastily caught up with Giovanni. Surprisingly, even with the leader of Team Rocket chaperoning, Ash and Gary managed to quickly fill up their jack-o'-lantern pails with various kinds of candy. It seemed to be an excellent night of treating, and Ash knew it.

Sometimes things don't go as well as anybody planned, however. Dark clouds started to fill the sky with their ominous fluffiness. Random gravestones poured down like rain showers and pelted the guys on their heads. And eventually a drastic change overtook Gary's personality. Maybe it was the deadly aroma in the air, but soon he was no longer a human.

" I need the blood of Twilight fangirls ! " he demanded, baring his fangs. " They have disgraced the awesome culture of vampires, and now they must _paaaaay !_ What decent vampire _sparkles_ ?! _**REVEEEEENGE ! "**_

A random Twilight fangirl rushed up to Gary and was immediately severed into pieces afterward as Gary brutally nipped at her neck. Ash blanched at the fresh corpse. " Oaky, if you're hungry, you should've told us before we left. "

Gary shook his head as he wiped blood on his sleeve. " No, I'm good. I got my fi- "

_**" DIE, VAMPIRE ! "**_

_**STAB !**_

The human-turned vampire fell to the ground and seemingly died. Giovanni grunted as he dropped the wooden stake that had appeared out of nowhere and turned to Ash with a frown on his face. " Why are all of your friends weirdos ? " he inquired.

Ash shrugged. " I don't know, but let's get the heck out of here. I'm getting the creeps. "

Giovanni nodded. " Agreed. "

The father and son slowly continued to go further into the darkened area. It wasn't very long before both of them had forgotten that Gary Oak was ever a trick-or-treater. The melancholy route that they were traveling on grew even more depressing and sinister. More clouds filled the skies, but this time in both shades of black and red. Thunder crackled angrily, and lightning struck metal objects, but Ash and Giovanni were oblivious to all of the pain, misery, and evil that was being unleashed around them.

" Hey, Dad, would you like a cold Hot Pocket ? " Ash offered. " I have some in my pockets, and my ghosty bedsheet has protected them from harm. "

" Uhh, what kind are they ? "

" Ham and cheese. "

" Ew, cold ham and cheese Hot Pockets ? No, thanks. "

_PAIL'D !_

_**" DO NOT DENY THE POCKETY GOODNESS OF THE CHEWY HAM AND CHEESE HOT POCKETS-A ! "**_ Ash roared, smacking Giovanni to the ground with his jack-o'-lantern with his pail. " I thought you _liked_ things that are disgusting and weird ! "

" No, that's Professor Oak ! Get your facts straight ! " Giovanni snapped back. " I never wanted to take you out for Halloween in the first place ! Your mother forced me to do this, just like she forces me to do everything else that is involved with or connected to you ! And now...now I don't even know where we are ! " The man rubbed his head and stood up from the ground. " I don't even know where we are and it sucks ! "

" Well....._you _suck ! "

" ....Shut up. "

" I'm _baaaaack ! "_

Giovanni slowly turned around to Ash and sweatdropped. " _Please_ let that have been you...."

Ash shook his head as he slowly realized that something was troubling his father. " Nope. Whatever happened, it wasn't me. "

_" I'M BAAAAAAACK ! "_

Gary popped out of a random tree and flung his cape out forward to the public eye. He bared his fangs in a vicious way while fresh fangirl blood dripped somberly from the corners of his lips. His eyes were not the innocent brown color anymore. They were a deathly shade of gray, with a frosty edge around the pupils, and it seemed that a light shade of scarlet was tinting his irises. He held an axe in his hands, the stick long and slender with a sharp blade fixated to the wood. " You guys can't kill me within fifteen minutes of trick-or-treating ! " he hissed, furrowing his eyebrows in frustration. " That's not how a horror movie works ! "

" And like _you_ of all people know what a horror movie is like, " Ash scoffed, rolling his eyes.

" What the- I'm a freakin' vampire ! Don't give me that crap ! "

" You're obviously lying. "

The vampire groaned as he pressed a hand to his forehead and managed to barely dodge another stabbing attempt by Giovanni. He leaped onto a slightly higher platform and sighed. " Look, you guys....don't be stupid like you are usually. I'm a vampire. You're human. Do either of you realize that I can kill you with my bare fangs ? "

" No, you're lying. "

" Damn, Ketchum, I didn't think you were _that_ dense. "

" And I didn't think you were that ugly, but we all have our opinions, hehehe...."

Gary furrowed his eyebrows again, pinching the bridge of his nose in pure annoyance. " Good Giratina, grow _up,_ Ash ! You can't just be an idiot and expect everyone to think it's okay ! Stop being such a moron and start acting like a responsible young adult ! "

" Huh ? "

" *facefault!* "

Giovanni sighed. " Gary, you might as well give it up. You know you can't get anything past that thick head of his, especially common sense. "

" Damn. This is the worst Halloween ever. I get changed into an old-fashioned vampire, and I_ still_ haven't been able to meet an intelligent person ! I guess I might as well go home and sulk in my bed like a good vampire. Later. "

He transformed into a bat and flew off towards his house before a half-dead Twilight fangirl viciously chomped his head off a la Ozzy. Giovanni blanched at the headless bat as the end credits rolled and Ash poked his deceased friend with a stick. " This is the most fucked-up Halloween story ever, " he muttered. " I'm never going to volunteer for anything on Halloween ever again. I'd rather watch Antiques Roadshow with Cyrus. _Antiques Roadshow with Cyrus._ Stupid, crackpot legendaries......"

* * *

Kaida : _You !_ What the hell are you doing to my dog ?!

(*camera turns to Axletia, who's stuffing cold ham and cheese Hot Pockets into Kaida Jr.'s mouth*)

Axletia : o.O Fugg.....one of these days I'm going to get a mob of people start an organization against me.....

Kaida Jr. :_ BWAAAAAA ! **BWAAAAA !**_

Kaida : Great, Rosonetis, now my dog's going to destroy the Hoenn region where Shelly and Winona lives and _it's_ _all your fault !_

Axletia : -.- You can't prove shit.

Kaida : *grabs the doggy axe normally used for dogs*

Axletia : Oh, geez, I'm screwed now.....well, that's it for this year. I'm Axletia Rosonetis, and I'm about to run for my life ! Bye-bye ! *starts to run*

End


End file.
